Little baby girls are drama queens.....

Little baby girls are drama queens.....!

Full of expressions and are expert in creating scenes.....
Omg! I luv there Ribbons and laces and embroidered jeans......
Sooo cute and fun to play with, Atleast till they get into their teens.....
Really, little baby girls are such a drama queens :-)

There pink flowery dresses.....
So going well with there cherry like cheeks.
It's fun to watch them cleaning up there messes,
And It's amazing how frequently there tears leeks.....

Best dream dolls for there moms,
And daddy's heart forever after queens......

Yes, it's so much fun to be with these little baby girls cum drama queens.


Well, I just would luv to have a baby girl child. I feel soooo bad that I had one and I lost the opportunity of growing her, dressing her and playing with her. I would have loved to see her doing the girly dramas and asking me ..."mommy i have to buy this"....I want a baby girl so baaadly. I want a drama queen for me too. I am not sure if I shared with you guys before, after aanya's death I have been volunteering at a kids nursery for just 3 hours every week and I wrote this poem when I was in nursery this week. I was watching this cute little about 2 years old girl.....With zillion expressions and cherry like cheeks. Anytime, I see little baby girls I miss aanya so much. I feel helpless and pain of not being able to see her growing, pain of not being able to dress her with the zillion dresses I had bought for her, pain of not being able to see her smiling looking at me & my husband, pain of not being able to give her bath or wipe her tears etc....... Honestly, I can keep on going but I guess I will stop here. Trust me, its so hard to live with the imagination of your dead child growing.

This poem is just a little reflection how much I miss having aanya, my passion to have a little girl as a child and how much I love them. Just felt like sharing and letting my thoughts out.......

Birds have feelings too!

I know it sounds like a strange topic and you guys must be wondering what the hell is she discussing. But you know, I think its true that birds do have feelings. I have 2 parakeets( cute little) lemon green and turquoise blue. We call them by weird names- bubbles, gublu bublu, monkeys, changu mangu, haru neelu etc. I think they like attention. When they hear running water sound from tap, they LOVE it since they chirp and you can see the blue one jumping (literally) like a little kid showing the excitement. When I am on phone sometimes, they behave as if they are assuming that I am talking to them and they start to chirp looking at me. The best part - when the tv is on and there is some song going, they would try to sing/chirp with the tune and the moment tv sound stops, i mean you press the mute button, they will stop chirping as well. As if they sing along with the tune. Sometimes, when they hear loud sudden sound they would see in shock....I can see them looking at me as if asking me......OHHH whats that!!! When I try to broom little food/seeds they eat which they sprinkle while eating, underneath & around there table.....they look at me with a question mark expression. When I come back home (after they are alone for many hours), the moment i open the door, they will chirp as if acknowledging that we know you are back. chi chi chi chi....
My green one likes to play/eat the paper towel which I throw on the bottom of there cage to avoid cleaning the mess, since its just easy to change the papertowel every few days and everytime I see him getting down to eat it, I shout NO.....and then, he looks at me with a question mark...is this NO for me....? and I guess, now he knows that NO is for you to not to eat it. Since, now when I say NO loudly when he attempts to eat papertowel, he quickly jumps back up. When they are sleeping at night and we try to bring our hand in the cage.....now we know they get so scared and they don't like to get disturbed from there sleep. Since, they start to flutter and jump here & there in panic (if disturbed from sleep). The blue bird is like a leader in team. He encourages the green one that lets fly (everytime I open the cage). He would take a round and reassures the green one by coming back and kind of telling him that its safe out there. And then, the green one follows him. Though when they fly, they usually go and sit at the same place. I think they are scared of exploring new places to sit in home. But now they know our home directions and they know there way back to there cage. Our little birdies...I can almost write a book on them as in on different things they do etc. My little birdies are like my 2 little babies now :-) I am glad I got them and I really hope that they are happy here.

Just felt like sharing my experience and my surprise over the time that Birds have feelings so much like us.........You never know, it may inspire others to adopt birds too. They bring another spice in your life :-)

Father! (a poem I wrote today on fathers day)

Father!

I wonder what skin a father is made of!

Being a pampered daughter of my cute & double xl size father........
I interfere in what he wears,
I interfere in what he says,
I interfere in what he eats,
I object when he suggests,
I yell when I think he does mistakes.....
I get angry with him when I hear -he smoked or even when I get some lil complain from my mom.
He on the other hand, calms me down, says sorry even where he knows he is not at all wrong,
And NEVER reminds me that he has seen more........knows more.........and moreover, has taught me most of what I know today.

I wonder what skin a father is made of!

Father is who spends all his life in working for our needs, lives as if he never had any dreams for himself and goes all the way out for us......
Father is who forgets his health and dedicatedly works towards all our luxuries as his responsibilities and still never complains like us........

I wonder what skin a father is made of!

Words are not enough,
Any gestures are not enough,
Any gifts are not enough.....
To express the thoughts a daughter has for her father.

I am sure almost every daughter is soooo proud of her father,
And we all always wonder that what skin a father is made of !

Should you disclose your pregnancy in an Interview?????

Well, I am confused if or not one should disclose pregnancy news in an interview. Even though ethically I feel like its something very important and one should not hide but it has always been seen that it impacts the interviewers decision. Legally an employer is not supposed to discriminate on the basis of whether or not a lady is pregnant but unfortunately the trend has been that it does come to the hiring authorities mind as in if or not hire someone who may take maternity leave soon. But then, that can give a wrong impression just in case you end up getting that offer and end up accepting the same. Very critical situation!!!!!

Also, what would you do if you would not disclose in the begining then when do you think it should be disclosed and how????

Please advise..........

Hi Everyone!

I felt like sharing 2 poems with you guys today. I love writing poems and needless, to say my poems are my true emotions at the very moment. The second one is in hindi. My apologies to those who don't know hindi. Though I have lot of things going on in my mind, lot of life's spices/ matters/topics to discuss but I guess I want to postpone the discussion for now. Or I should say not sure from where to start on the stuff. So for today, I thought lets share these poems with you, since someone asked me yesterday to send him my poems and while sending them I ended up reading them again and then, felt like sharing on my blog.

The first one I had written few years ago for my sweetie pie (of course my husband. I had written this poem in our courtship period, i mean few weeks before we got married. I am sorry if this might be boring for some or most of you but couldn't stop myself from sharing it. Please enjoy (if you can:-))

Ever Since I had met you…….

Honey, Ever since I had met you,
I felt something special in you……

May be it was just your smile,
Or may be it was your penetrating eyes,
Or may be the sound proof castle of your fascinating voice,
Or may be just your little first look,
Or may be your truly original and simple wonderful style,
Or may be your sweet & little witty presentation,
Or may be the few steps we had walk together,
Or may be the way we initiated our first talk,
Or may be the patience you had for so many years and on our first date, when you had waited for me,
Or may be that first moment of laughter we shared together,
Or may be the way you had seen me,
Or may be the way our family had interaction,
Or may be our parents blessings,
Or may be the unbelievable progressiveness I had felt in your aura,
Or may be those initial moments when your uncomparable ‘intellectuality’ had trapped me,
Or may be just your simple thought of discovering me,
Or may be the most pure reflection of ‘shivji’ in you………….
Whatever it was………
I really can’t pick just one special reason for having you as my life partner.
A single tear has just escaped from my eyes while I am uttering these simple words that I am really glad that WE WILL BE LIVING OUR ALL LIVES TOGETHER!

Second poem in Hindi!

Mujhe dar lagta hai andhere se.
Mujhe dar lagta hai us akelepan se
Ghar banaya hai jabse humne mujhe dar lagta hai beghar hone se
“hum” ke sath se jab se jeena seekha hai, mujhe dar lagat hai fir “mai” hone se
Teri nazro se jabse apneaap ko dekha hai, mujhe dar lagta hai aaine ke khalipanse.
Haan mujhe dar lagta hai us purane khalisthan se…..
Mujhe dar lagta hai amit raat se
Sach aaj mujhe dar lagta hai andhere se…….
Yu to kal bhi andhere se darti thi
Per tab sathi sath ki zarurat na thi…..
Kyuki akele se hone ki aadat si thi….
Per ab mujhe dar lagta hai sathi mujhe tere sath khone se….
Mujhe dar lagat hai Zindagi kewal jeene ke liye jeene se….
Mujhe dar lagta hai aapki baho ke bina sone se….
Mujhe dar lagta hai aapke bina mere hone se…..
Mujhe dar lagat hai aapke bina sapne pirone se…..
Aur aapko to malum hai ki kitna dar lagta hai mujhe mere fir se mai hone se
Haan mujhe dar lagta hai andhere se…
Mujhe dar lagta hai us akelepan se.

Would love to hear some comments on my above poetry.......(even if its bad :-( ) I will take criticism to improve/learn.

How can you control your thoughts?????

OKK.... today what I am going to write, I am serious!!! I am sooooo reluctant to write but then its Gunjansinnervoice and I feel like I shouldn't hesitate upon anyone's impression on this as in my current thought process. I am upset with myself and I am guilty and I know that whatever I am thinking is not RIGHT and that's why I need tips to to control my thoughts.

Okk, I haven't shared this news with Many but I am going to have a baby boy. I have told most of the people that we are not going to find out the sex of the baby but I did find out about few weeks ago, but for god knows what reason, we kind of decided to lets try and keep it to ourself. As most of my friends would know, I wasn't keen to share my pregnancy news either this time and I have shared very late that too when most of the times when people could see and literally make out on there own. So, even though I am glad with the fact that I am finally pregnant again and really hoping that now hopefully, our arms wouldn't be empty anymore. BUT ever since I have got to know that its a boy, my grief/pain of loosing aanya is back. I feel like I had left the process incompleted since I have yet not been able to accept that aanya is not coming back. I was trieng to do a crime of trieng to replace aanya with this child. I know this is sooo wrong and now since I know its a boy NOT A GIRL, the incompleteness is back. I am filled with mixed emotions, confused state. Not sure how to react kind of thing. I am anyways in desbelief and would not be able to believe we are having a child till I see a live baby in hand. Moreover, I think I would always be in fear for the rest of my life for my baby's life. Because I now know that anything wrong can happen at anytime. I have a feeling that it can hamper my child's normal growth. I hope my child wouldn't feel suffocated with my over protectiveness. I am not sure if I will be able to send my kid ever in some risk oriented games or games/sports that can cause injuries. I guess I would have to always live with this fear. And trust me living with this fear is so difficult and painful. Because earlier I believed that NOTHING such happens to good people.

Well, coming back to what I was talking about. I don't want to do injustice to my baby boy and I feel like by feeling sad that its not a girl, I am sooooo wrong. I am trieng to find reasons lately that its ok to have a boy. Someone told me that boys are mumma's boy. Everytime I hear that someone is pregnant with a baby girl, I feel wow the other lady is soooo lucky. I feel sad!!!!! I am sorry my boy. I feel so sorry and guilty. I look at little girls wearing cute dresses and all the dresses that I had bought for aanya and I feel so sad that I can't use them in the near future or may be never. I know I would be happy to see my child regardless of what the sex is, but why is there sadness. Why am I so in stress? Why am I back in that deep grieving process/ confused state. I guess I have been running away from acceptance of facts and its almost out of my hands to accept it. I love AANYA so much that I just can not let her go. I have been always trieng to fix it by saying to myself that she would come back. I will bring her back. Now I have been thinking that I would have to plan another pregnancy again soon to get a girl and I wasn't ever like that before. I always wanted only preferably 1 child. Whatif the next child would be boy tooo then I would have to try third time again. And if the third child would be boy again then, I can't even imagine how I will survive.....I know, you guys must be laughing at me or must be thinking I am crazy. But I can't even say please try and put yourself in my shoes for a minute, since I know you can't. IS THERE ANYWAY OUT OF THESE WEIRD THOUGHTS??????

Please advise if you may know anyway to control your thoughts.

Why does bad things happen to GOOD people?????

Lot of times when good people go through bad times, its said its a way of God to make you even more stronger and brighter because 'YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU GO THROUGH'. BUT BUT BUT what if when good people get life long punishment. When I used to goto child loss support group, I saw all parents over there were like angels on this earth, literally. I know its hard to believe for you guys, but these people were so much there for each other, so full of pain but still extremely positive rays/spiritiual vibes and so full of LOVE with teary eyes and shattered too in many ways. I always wonder how can GOD allow such a life looong pain to GOOD people.


Today again, when I heard a really sad news then this question came back in mind. Early in the morning we heard the news of my husband's cousins death. This cousin is in his mid age with 2 twins in there 10th grade and a really nice, loving and kind wife. Aunty who has lost his son is also a very good human being. This healthy cousin died of brain hamarage with almost no explainable reason. He is gone but I don't think his mom deserves this life loooong pain, neither his wife or kids. I mainly feel bad for his mom and his wife. People say its circle of life. But why do such unfortunate things/ pain is given to GOOD people and then, you are left to live with this never ending pain. Yes, I know that in grieving process this pain slows down with time but still why....?
Another instance- I have an awesome lady as my neigbour cum friend. She lost her 21 year old daughter early this year and I can challange almost to anyone that she didn't deserve it either. Why is this life looooong pain given to GOOD people. Struggling with the thoughts and I really wish if I could get a convincing answer ever.

Please advise if you may have some thoughts on this.