Tomorrow is my Birthday!

I remember when I was kid or I should say years ago, I used to be so excited for my birthday. Excited for different things, whether its partieng with friends or shopping a nice birthday dress, opening gifts, good food, etc etc....BUT now it seems like another day. Though I want to do something atleast a little different or special to pamper myself but the excitement which used to be years ago, its not really there anymore....its almost like its a different me now.

Birthdays seem to be boring now. We will go out for some shopping and lunch but thats something we do almost kind of everyweekend. Feeling bored right now and missing old extreme fun filled birthday days! Nastalgic.................................................

I guess I am in Nesting Phase!!!!!

Lately, as I am approaching further in my third trimester I feel the need of changing decor and making home look better and also, the urgency and keen need of more organization everywhere -in kitchen, in closet, my jewellary, bathroom stuff, accessories etc.....I remember in my last pregnancy too, i had felt the keen intent of organization. I guess that's what they call it NESTING PHASE. A phase where in every being whether its animals, birds or human beings, we all tend to be prepared with the neat and appropriate nest for our coming generation.

I feel the energy to organize stuff around home and change decor of home to make it look more appropriate and somehow, kids friendly too. I have took quiet a few home projects in hands for instance- living room, guest bedroom & guest bathroom decor change and kitchen and my bathroom reorganization. Lot of things still do but days go quick lately with work, commute, doctor appointments and home erins.

Not sure if everyone else experiences the similar kind of nesting phase during pregnancy or not. Would luv to hear your experiences and/or comments!

My aproach towards people!

I usually go with a very open frame of mind when I come across anyone. I don't go with preconcieved notions and/or any assumptions when I meet anyone. Some people feel that that I can be a friend to every tom, dick and harry. But unfortunately, thats not the case. There is noone who's tom dick and harry in my friends. Infact those who look common are one of the most amazing people many a times. I guess I tend to go with the optimistic thoughts and try and discover everyone gradually and in that process, for most of the people I feel great and sometimes I realise that my ethics and values don't go well with few. I definitely have got hurt as well because of my initial optimistic approach, since I realise at times later that I shouldn't have got my self emotionally attached to relationships which probably didn't deserve my time and love from the begining.

For me to respect and cherish my friendship with anyone somethings are very important:
1) That person should be first a good human being.
2) That person should have a good heart.
3) NOT SELFISH. Even if that person may continue to be a great and not selfish to me but if I get to see him/her extremely selfish and/or escapist even with anyone else, that turns me off towards them.
4) I hate to see when a friend can not stand for another in either good or bad times. Thats turns me off too.
5) When one person tries to take undue advantage of another, thats another one.
6) Cutting & ignorant towards anyone's feelings. I call it knowingly hurtful.
7) Faqueness. We all tend to be not completely same in and out. Thats understandable but when, when someone tends be faque....thats a no no.
8) Most Imp one....FULL OF YOURSELF! When I see someone so full of them as in who think they know all, not open to listen/learn/ consider any other option/opinion at ALL and only concerned about there thoughts, there liking etc. is a NOGO too.
9) His way or highway types most of the times, is another attitude that puts me off.
10) Not thankful as in never acknowledging other person's efforts or time is anothey thing that makes me step backward.

Well, i know in friendship there shouldnt be any conditions but my these thoughts are not just for for friendship these are simple ethics and values expectations for me to pursue and cherish my relationship and /or friendship. That being said, We all know who we are from inside and sooner or later the truth shines. And above all, we all are answerable to GOD!

Thanks for listening my thoughts....

aanya - meri gudiya meri jaan!

aanya - meri gudiya meri jaan,
tere bin jeena bilkul nahi hai aasaan....
khushi ho yah gam...
tere na hone ka har pal afsos karenge hum....
aaj bhi tere naam me basi hai meri gudiya meri jaan....
sach tujh bin jeena bilkul nahi hai aasaan.
Nahi bhul sakti mai tere woh chote chote se haath woh tere chote chote se pao,
afsos hai mujhe, nahi dekh sakhi mai tere nanhe umadte se bhao....
kash tere nanhe se pyare se honth mujhse kuch keh paate,
kash mere kaan teri awaaz, teri kilkari sun paate.
kash tere hath tere papa ki ungliyan tham paate,
aur humesha sochti hu ki kash hum zindagi ek sath jee pate.....
aaj bhi tujhe alvida nahi keh sakti hu meri jaan
mai kya karu, tere bin jeena bahut mushkil hai, sach nahi hai aasaan....
tere sang sochi thi har diwali, kaun suljhayega ab yeh uljhane aur tere na hone ki paheli....
mere liye to mere eeshwar se pehle mai leti hu tera naam,
tujhe apne mun me chum kar shuru karti hu har naya kaam,
aaj bhi apne se alag nahi kar paayi hu tere liye liya har woh samaan.
nahi malum tu kaha aur kyu gum ho gayi,
yeh zindagi tujhe hum se itni dur aur na jaane kaha kyu le gayi,
aaj bhi duyaon me jaane anjaane tujhe mangti hu mai,
tere na hone ke ehsaas se aaj bhi dur bhagti hu mai.....
kya kahu tere jaane ke baad se itni hairaan pareshaan hu aur meri aatma ko ek pal ke liye bhi nahi mila hai araam,
tujhse bhichad ke jeena bahut mushkil hai meri nanhi gudiya meri jaan !

Wish I knew the art of Analysing DREAMS!

Well, I had read few books lately on dreams analysis. One of the book said that via dream our subconsious mind communicates with our consious state as in it conveys the message but its hard to interpret it since many a times its a pun. Just like our consious state is thinking and doing analysis every moment, our subconsious mind too is recording information and making critical notes on the most impacted stuff. And via dreams it conveys us messages as in this is wat you are going through, this you shouldn't do, this you are juding wrong, this may help us, this is your current priority/sate of mind etc etc.

I didn't read anywhere that said that dreams indicate our future in anyway and I hope in reality DREAMS do not indicate future. Well, I had a horrible dream 2 days ago. Wish I could get it analysed. I don't rememeber the whole dream but I will share what I remember waguely. In my dream, I was in a boat with some people in it -with a feeling that they all are my people/my family and my responsibility. I didnt see anyone though. The boat was on a stream (not at all deep stream). Stream was so shallow that you can step down and walk and it was on the side of a downtown kind of road. I felt I needed to go to restroom and hence, I had to try and take boat upstream so as to use the restroom just 2 minutes away which we had missed. So, in my effort to do so the boat which looked like a small size ship (which can seat 30 people atleast type) went upside down couple of times as if tripped 360 degree couple of times and hence, I realised some of my near and dear ones have fallen in that shallow water and since that boat had hit something, they were stuck under the concrete of some building. My readers know that I don't have a live kid in my hand for now, but in my dream I realised that my 3 kids are stuck there. I ran to to take them out from the concrete which had fallen and I did feel in my dream that I am pregnant since I felt heavy and concious while running. Rest everyone was safe except my 3 kids were stuck there. One kid was just an infant, second was 3 years old and the third in my dream was about 7/8 or may be 10 years old. I felt all the energy to dig and I took 2 of them out quickly the infant and the 3 years old and then these kids were breathing and alive buy unconsious with there eyes closed just the way I had seen aanya with her eyes closed. And the worst of all some veins from there neck were cut and hanging out, so they needed to be taken to doctor immediately for surgery. The thought in my mind was thankgod they are still breathing and I have to rush them and save them by all means. I was feeling an energy and so strong desire to save them as in I will die if anything happens to them. I was holding one child in my one arm and second in another arm. I also felt guilty in the dream of trieng to take ship upstream since I had to pee urgently. I felt so scared and was shouting to ask the crowd to call 911. I had hugged my kids tight and was shouting over and over with tears in my eyes " please call 911" I don't recall myself holding the 3rd eldest child though. and then, I woke up.

Not sure what that dream means, may be it reflects my fear to some extent and/or the desire to NOT let anything wrong happen to any of my child. Why was that shallow stream here in almost middle of the downtown road and the ship seemed to be looking good but not sturdy enough that it broke while trieng to take it upstream. Sometimes I get very weird dreams associated with my pregnancy and my own kids. Please help me if anyone of you knows how to analyse dreams and if you know the way I can get them analysed because I wonder and hope these dreams are not indication of any wrong sign now. Because I don't think I can take any loss anymore.

Thanks for listening to me!

PS: I think of writing blog everyday and feel quilty for not being able to write in evening but then with work, home stuff and commute I get tired and feel lazy by night.

Can't wait to deliver!

I really can't wait to be in the THE day when I will have my live and hopefully healthy child in my hands. Ohh my god....the feeling that I have right now is like you have the world's most yummy icecream in front of you and you haven't eaten anything since 1 year, and you are extreeeeemly beyond words hungry and still you need to wait for a specific date to be able to eat it..........Can' express, how much tears I guess I would have seeing him moving his hands, hearing him cry, see him seeing me......TOUCHWOOD! I hope nothing wrong would happen now. If doctor's would ask me to deliver today. I would do it without even a single second thought. Can't wait to see my mom and my husband holding and kissing our live baby. These 9 months are passing like 90 years.....GOD please fast forward it now. Thankgod with the new job the weekdays flies to some extent though evenings are still difficult to pass. When he moves in the belly, i feel like opening the belly and touch him, see him and hug him so tight.

Though this time at "bhaiyaduj"(those who dont know its a hindu festival to celeberate brother and sister relationship) I will miss aanya so much. Needless to say, I miss her everyday but today when I was thinking that who would be a sister for my baby's bhaiya duj day......I felt so helpless to not to have aanya. sigh!

Well, i feel so heavy too. I have gained more than 22 pounds already. Belly is so out and i feel back aches lately. Changing postures, getting up from bed is getting tough. For zillion reasons my heart says every minute, I CAN'T WAIT TO DELIVER....!

Fingers so tightly crossed.

BUSY BUSY BUSY!

Being busy is good sometimes, since it takes your mind away from stress and lets you distracted from "scary what iff" thoughts. I have been thinking of writing lot of recent experiences for eg. my friends had thrown a very thoughtful goodluck/ baby shower kind of gettogether for me this saturday and on sunday I had planned a satyanarayan katha at myplace wherein I cooked for about 50 people. So, I want to share my thoughts on both and many other things going in mind lately but like I said, with the job, commute and home stuff - last few weeks have been crazy. But I miss writing though. The thought of someone listening to you via blog is so relieving and like going to a therapist. But simultaneously, in my case being so BUSY was also so much needed to keep my mind atleast for the day away from scary thoughts. Since, I am tired of panicking thoughts and I am SO READY TO DELIVER. Can't wait to hold my live child in my arms. fingers really crossed!

Will write more soon on last few days happening and stuff.