BIG DAY TOMORROW!

So, finally doctors have done baby's lung test and they have given the green signal for induction tomorrow. SO, tomorrow hospital should call me for a time for me to go in - when they will induce me. Can't wait anymore now. Would not be able to blog for may be few days......as if i am so consitent anyways!

But wanted to keep you guys posted. Can't wait to see his face, 10 little fingers and 10 little toes...........want to touch him, hold him and HUG him as tight as I can. Really keeping crossed!

Tired of following religious restrictions, SHHH and internal conflicts!!!!

Today when I met with my grief councellor, I discussed with him how I am tired of fighting with our religious rules. I haven't been able to visit my aanya's grave ever since I have gotten pregnant since priests and religion says its not recommended to goto cemetry in pregnancy. Now, I when I will deliver- I want to take my child first to aanya and want to tell aanya why her mom was not able to see her and want her brother to get her elder sister's blessings first. For me my aanya is my god in many ways. But then again I heard its not recommended to take newborn right to cemetry from hospital. This is enough.....I dont want rules and religion that keeps me away from my own JAAN..my daughter for so loong.

Lot of things have started to bother me lately. I am frustrated.....As you know we havent shared my pregnancy news with many friends and family and I am tired of this SHHHHHHH!

Really concerned and tired of thinking about whether I will be able to bond myself emotionally in as strong way as I am with aanya. I am really worried about my emotional bonding with my baby boy to come.

God please help me in resolving these conflicts. I am tired both physically and mentally!!!!!