How can you control your thoughts?????

OKK.... today what I am going to write, I am serious!!! I am sooooo reluctant to write but then its Gunjansinnervoice and I feel like I shouldn't hesitate upon anyone's impression on this as in my current thought process. I am upset with myself and I am guilty and I know that whatever I am thinking is not RIGHT and that's why I need tips to to control my thoughts.

Okk, I haven't shared this news with Many but I am going to have a baby boy. I have told most of the people that we are not going to find out the sex of the baby but I did find out about few weeks ago, but for god knows what reason, we kind of decided to lets try and keep it to ourself. As most of my friends would know, I wasn't keen to share my pregnancy news either this time and I have shared very late that too when most of the times when people could see and literally make out on there own. So, even though I am glad with the fact that I am finally pregnant again and really hoping that now hopefully, our arms wouldn't be empty anymore. BUT ever since I have got to know that its a boy, my grief/pain of loosing aanya is back. I feel like I had left the process incompleted since I have yet not been able to accept that aanya is not coming back. I was trieng to do a crime of trieng to replace aanya with this child. I know this is sooo wrong and now since I know its a boy NOT A GIRL, the incompleteness is back. I am filled with mixed emotions, confused state. Not sure how to react kind of thing. I am anyways in desbelief and would not be able to believe we are having a child till I see a live baby in hand. Moreover, I think I would always be in fear for the rest of my life for my baby's life. Because I now know that anything wrong can happen at anytime. I have a feeling that it can hamper my child's normal growth. I hope my child wouldn't feel suffocated with my over protectiveness. I am not sure if I will be able to send my kid ever in some risk oriented games or games/sports that can cause injuries. I guess I would have to always live with this fear. And trust me living with this fear is so difficult and painful. Because earlier I believed that NOTHING such happens to good people.

Well, coming back to what I was talking about. I don't want to do injustice to my baby boy and I feel like by feeling sad that its not a girl, I am sooooo wrong. I am trieng to find reasons lately that its ok to have a boy. Someone told me that boys are mumma's boy. Everytime I hear that someone is pregnant with a baby girl, I feel wow the other lady is soooo lucky. I feel sad!!!!! I am sorry my boy. I feel so sorry and guilty. I look at little girls wearing cute dresses and all the dresses that I had bought for aanya and I feel so sad that I can't use them in the near future or may be never. I know I would be happy to see my child regardless of what the sex is, but why is there sadness. Why am I so in stress? Why am I back in that deep grieving process/ confused state. I guess I have been running away from acceptance of facts and its almost out of my hands to accept it. I love AANYA so much that I just can not let her go. I have been always trieng to fix it by saying to myself that she would come back. I will bring her back. Now I have been thinking that I would have to plan another pregnancy again soon to get a girl and I wasn't ever like that before. I always wanted only preferably 1 child. Whatif the next child would be boy tooo then I would have to try third time again. And if the third child would be boy again then, I can't even imagine how I will survive.....I know, you guys must be laughing at me or must be thinking I am crazy. But I can't even say please try and put yourself in my shoes for a minute, since I know you can't. IS THERE ANYWAY OUT OF THESE WEIRD THOUGHTS??????

Please advise if you may know anyway to control your thoughts.