I guess there is some SUPER POWER/GOD up there!

Well, the day I found out that Aanya is dead before I had left for the hospital, I had gone to my temple at my home before leaving and begged to god to keep my baby safe and the whole way while driving, I was consitently praying BUT I guess my prayers were not answered and I had gone in desbelief towards my GOD after that. I thought for a loong time that if or not there is really something UP there to believe in. Where did i go wrong and why did he do that to us. Lot of such questions are still unanswered and I hate to feel and say this that I am not sure if these questions will ever get answered. My husband prays to god EVERYDAY and rather I should say multiple times in a day. We both are very religious and god fearing and we both try our level best always to be good human beings. So, long story short after Aanya's death, I still doubt at times (unfortunately) if or not there is GOD up there and sometimes I debate with myself on the same topic. Whatever I have learnt about godly principles as in 'Do good get good' etc. didn't work in our case. My life shaked my faith, my believes etc.

BUT I want to share something today.....something little weird. I doubt if I can call it mere series of coincidences. Sometime before I had gotten to know that I am pregnant (I had conceived by that time but I didn't know at all) I had a dream that I am playing with Aanya and she is alive. I woke up shocked, happy and sad both. Whenever I had dreamt of aanya before it was she kind of freezing/dieng or dead in my hands. This was the first time ever that I dreamt of annya and me playing together. The next night my mom had a dream that I am playing with my little baby. I was little surprised then I thought it could be conincidence since we both have been kind of thinking on the same lines. The 3rd night (consecutively) my close friend who was with me in the delivery room as well when I delievered aanya, she had the same dream. I had not told her about mine or my mom's dream and she called me to tell me unsure whether or not she should tell me about this dream. I clearly remember her words that she kind of said that she is sharing that dream just to convey me that may be this might give me a hope that even though aanya can not come back but atleast my arms would not be empty for looong. After she shared the dream, I told her the coincidence of me getting this dream one night, then the next night my mom getting it and the following night she getting it. We talked how it can be a big coincidence and may be its a sign that the day is not far when I get pregnant. I was in complete desbelief then.....but was definitely surprised. To my shock, when I got to know that I was actually pregnant with my this child when we all got those dreams one after another, i thought that this is completely weird. I am serious guys, can it really be mere coincedence we all getting same dream ????? Me getting it first, then my mom and then my friend and I was pregnant at that time and we all didn't know about it. Almost like God telling us that I am going to have another child. I defininetly felt that there is something above us, some Power beyond our understanding. GOD is not just our imagination. Somethings do show the existence of some sort of NOT clearly understandable power. SO lately, when my unanswered questions put me in doubt on existence of almighty, I remind myself of this DREAM thingy and I try to say to myself that 'NO' there is something up there for sure and hopefully, he would NOT let my this child die on me. Hopefully, he would have felt my pain as much as I did and may be he wept as much as I did, I mean if he is our Father/Mother then any parent would weap a lot seeing his/her child in pain and zillion tears and hopefully, he doesn't want us to be dead again.

Well, just felt like sharing this story. Not sure what you guys would take out of it but I try to take this as a message that I AM UP HERE.

Luv you all :-)
Gunjan

PS Would love to know your thoughts on this!